Sunday, January 20, 2008

Writing. It's not a thing that I do... it's what I do. (And minor rant on language).

So I had an Idea. And Idea which may lead to a Project, one helmed by myself and Ford. It's one of those things which may seem lamer by the light of day, or prove entirely beyond the capacities of two clever dudes who are nonetheless unexceptional programmers.

In other news, after a goodly time of being an uncreative, unexciting gadfly of a dude, I do believe that things are beginning to come up Milhouse again. A story I like, a story I'm liking which might even go further, a new website which I'm making modest progress on, and this here capitalized Idea. It's pretty awesome. Not going to lie, despite having 'Edison's Dead Men' actually appear in dead tree form in December, most of that month and a good chunk of January flashed by where I didn't feel like a writer. I was a guy who had written a story, which is an entirely different paradigm. It seems silly sometimes, but the language one uses inside one's head really does make a definite and noticeable difference in how one feels. It's the sort of thing I'd never thought about until I was in therapy, and actually started tracking things like that.

The labels you apply to yourself help define you. They are the categories into which you place yourself. Obviously each individual is just that, individual, but if you tell someone you are a doctor, or a teenager, or a Christian, in every case they will put you in that category and see and react to you appropriately (and likewise, you will see and react to yourself based on the categories you think you fit in). When I was 16, I wouldn't call myself a teenager because I didn't feel like I was justifiably a part of that group. The world abounds with people who believe in the broad strokes of the Gospels but aren't comfortable calling themselves Christian. 'Scrubs', of all shows, did a pretty good episode on Elliot's inability to think of herself as a doctor even though she practiced medicine. Labels, like any words, carry so much more meaning than the dictionary would have you believe that it's sometimes a wonder people are ever able to say anything at all.

And so, for several weeks, I felt like a guy who writes sometimes. Which isn't a bad thing to be, but that's about all I felt like, and it's a bit... iut's a bit of a nothing. Amber once said I had a tendency to float around the apartment like a soul without a purpose, and she was right. But lately, I've been feeling like a Writer, complete with everything that entails. And that is something I am a lot happier feeling like.


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